Mother’s Day is just 2 days away. Like many, Mother’s Day (in context with my mother) has never been even remotely close to a Norman Rockwell picture, so I am ready for this weekend to be over. Many have family situations much more difficult than mine (my heart goes out to you!) All this emotion is going to send me to the Funny Farm for sure.
Getting married, I got an AMAZING mother-in-love, Carolyn “Mom” Battis. She was the first Mom in my life to show me unconditional, Godly Motherly love; I truly love her and am always blessed by her. When I became a Mom myself, my whole world changed in so many ways and Mother’s Day is special for me and my boys, however…
Having been adopted (and not having much of a relationship with my adoptive mom), and now in reunion with my first mom (since July 2011) with whom I have a great relationship, this day has become somewhat tangled. My friend, Deanna, has summed it up best in her post, “Mother’s Day Weekend and What It Means to Me” . Although I don’t blog often about adoption, if you knew me well, you would see that I definitely fit several of the descriptions she uses and it seems she always has such a great way to express what is on my heart. (On a side note – Deanna & the Lost Daughters group have helped me walk through my reunion with my first family and one of the great things that have come from it has been this blog – re-creating Ree
As a kid, I would secretly pray for my first mom, somehow knowing that she HAD to think of me on Mother’s Day. As an adult, not only would I pray for all of my moms, but I would send something special to my mother-in-love (because sadly she lives so far away) and for my adopted mom, I prepared the expected celebratory dinner either Saturday or Sunday (
depending on when my sister has her because heaven forbid we all spend time together). Last year, my first year in reunion with my first mom, I sent her a card. I know, it sounds lame, but it was all I could muster in the midst of the furry with my adoptive mom’s never-ending emotions. ( Yes, I am always trying to keep everyone else happy – keeping the peace – like a good little adoptee.) Unbeknownst to just about everyone, I always seem to be in an emotional tug-of-war between an angry adoptive mom (how dare you look for your “real” parents after all we have done for you, they didn’t want you!”) who wains between not talking to me at all (currently, it’s been a month without communication) and when she will decide to fit me into her life because she needs me for something…and a thankful first mom (with whom I just took an impromptu wild road trip with through 12 states).
This year, I wanted to do more, so I took my first Mom’s offer for the trip with her and I think it turned out pretty well (
she didn’t kill me after spending 24/7 with me for 7 days, so that right there should tell you something ) Unfortunately, I had to cut my trip a little shorter than we both expected; things were getting crazy at home and I had to go back to reality. I was a bit disappointed because I was looking forward to having my very first Mother’s Day with my first Mom, and I know she was too. However, it’s probably for the best, as I would not want it at the expense of my adoptive Mom, who would sadly see all of this as a direct knife to her heart ( because my adoption is all about her). Even though I cannot get my adoptive mom to understand any of this, she is still my Mom and I love her too. Unfortunately, I am not the only adoptee that goes through this; adoptees feel like our life is like a continual white water rafting journey without a life jacket. There are many of us at this time of year (Mother’s Day and Father’s Day) that can feel like we are doing it without a paddle, either.
This year, I am jumping to shore, taking the chicken’s way out because of sheer emotional exhaustion, and allowing my boys to make Mother’s Day all about me…just call me Momma Hen.